Yesterday, my car broke down. Spectacularly, in an awkward spot. What was the first thing I did? Called someone (a few people, actually, including my partner, my breakdown service and my local mechanic).
There is a narrative – mostly a westernised perspective – that you can be entirely independent. We’re encouraged to let our babies and children self-sooth, to be able to ‘pull ourselves together’. To not rely on anyone, ever, lest we show any vulnerability or present ourselves as less-than-perfect.
As I went back and forth between my car and my home (I was fortunately only a 20 minute walk away), on the phone to the various people who would be able to support me with this inconvenience, I was struck by my absolute reliance and need for these other human beings.
One, there is no possibility that I am ever going to be a mechanic, nor a driver of a tow truck. The most I know about my car is that she is a fabulous turquoise colour, and I need to put petrol in her every now and again.
Two, I freaked out. I felt unsafe. Although not in immediate danger in the more general sense of the word, my car was not in a great spot, I was alone with other vehicles zooming around me and I had no idea what the problem was or how to solve it. So I called my partner (and my friend, and my mum).
Upon experiencing a problem, I alerted my community to a danger and the needs I had, and they responded exactly as I needed them to. I felt safer, more assured of a solution, and so incredibly grateful (my local mechanic even drove over to help me move the car and tell me what the problem was, before letting me know they’d leave a space outside the garage for me to get towed to).
And so, this rhetoric around being self-sufficient came under scrutiny. I considered my children, my friends and family, and of course, my clients. None of us were ever designed to survive alone. Humans are a social species, reliant on the skills, experience and prior knowledge of others.
In conclusion – in a world that often tells us to stand alone, sometimes it takes a breakdown to remind us how much we truly need each other. So, next time you’re feeling stranded in life, remember: it’s not just your car that needs a jump start; we all do, now and then.
Thanks for reading. If something in this piece stirred something in you, or you’re wondering what it might be like to explore these themes in therapy, you’re welcome to reach out. I offer sessions in-person at the therapy and counselling centre I run in Cheshire, and a limited amount of online sessions across the UK. You can find out more by heading to Insightful Life – Therapy & Counselling Centre
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